Transformation

The moth represents transformation. It's what I have connected with since my cancer diagnosis and a friend of mine turned me on to the deadhead moth. It's literally tattooed on my chest for all to see. The thing which defines me.

Before we left I knew that I was loved and that people cared. However, I frequently felt like I was a failure at making connections with people. I've been told I was cold, closed off, difficult to know and more. When I went through my cancer treatments there were those who rallied behind me, and yet many times I felt alone and blamed myself. In a way it took being away for me to realize that while I have moments in time where I am all or one of those things, they are not reflective of me as a person.

As I have traveled I have met so many amazing people. I have made connections with complete strangers, as we share stories of adventures, hardships, life defining moments and laughs. I've spent mornings having coffee around the campfire making new friends. I enjoyed evenings sitting with strangers and friends having drinks and listening to the crackling of the fire. I have learned tips and tricks from friendly faces of people watching Gabby and I struggle, come to our rescue and take the time to teach us how to do something in a better way. It's these moments that have allowed me to reflect upon how I and others define ourselves.

We all have a past, events, and perhaps even trauma that shape us over time. These become our defining moments in life, and shape us in many ways. However, they don't get to define us until the end of time. As humans we evolve and change. We grow and learn. We meet new people, or have new experiences. We are not any one thing.

The other thing that I have learned is that people also see us through their own struggles or experiences. We can have similar interactions with people and yet be viewed in entirely different ways. Helping someone maybe seen as kind to one person and judgemental to another. Then we have people in our lives who will always see us as an older version of ourselves. Never really seeing who we have become, and how we have changed. Who it is that we really are.

I also look at Gabby and see how much she has changed. I cry when I look at her growth and how she has pushed herself, in part because she's had to, but also because she can become a new person in a safe place. She's no longer the quiet kid, or the bookworm. She's no longer defined by her anxiety. She is just a kid, traveling with her mom, experiencing the world.

My hope is that as I travel and meet new people they get a chance to see themselves through someone else's eyes for the first time, and realize they are more than what they have allowed themselves to be defined by.